In the last week, did one or more of these burst from your mouth?
All is not lost, hell no! Can you believe it's possible to...
Son of a bitch, tell me more!
When I join the team, I cut through the bullshit and right the ship.
How the fuck is that possible?
This is Fucking How
First thing’s first, I take the time to listen to you. I want to know what you’re building, why you’re building it, and what your goals are. If you’re looking to hire someone who won’t ask any questions or won’t challenge you to make your project better along the way, you don’t want me. I want to make, I NEED to make your project the best it can be. You look good, I look good. I need that, because you’re gonna get rich, but I gotta find the next gig so I need to brag “I knew them when…” and show off your app.
I work with your existing tech team and I make sure I understand what’s been done so far. If they’re no longer around, I can do a lot of reverse engineering to figure out where we’re at. I only want to learn from the past, not get bogged down by it.
Finally, I create a plan to finish the project. This includes a summary of what’s been done so far, what we can salvage, what needs to be replaced, roughly how long it could take, and what it might cost. For areas that I’m not familiar with, I’ll help you connect with the right people to do those things.
Also, notice how I bolded some shit, just in case you didn’t really want to read? Yeah, I know you.
Fuck yeah! First of all, you know it's getting serious now. I made this section "dark mode" which shows I'm hip & cool, but I want to get down to business at the same time.
You can use this widget below to schedule some time with me. In the future, we may talk via phone, video chat, text, email, carrier pigeons, I don’t know. But first, this is kind of a litmus test. Not trying to be a dick, but if you can’t use this little bit of tech, we’re probably not going to work well together anyway. You don’t need to be a fucking tech genius, but we gotta make sure you can at least use the inter webs.
Not Yet Convinced?
I probably can't fix that, then. But just in case, here's some more shit.
Now Are You Fucking Ready?
"Openings on my calendar are going fast!" he shouts, somewhat truthfully. But also because some marketing book somewhere said to show urgency or some shit.